Hold on to the night

It felt as if I'd just created this blog. The last post dated 1st of October. It's been really really long. Ancient in fact.

Wonder what drew me to have an interest again in blogging. To kill time I guess. This is the problem when you ain't updating your blog regularly. When you've got so much to say, but you've got no idea at all where to begin.

And I've not been penning poems recently, once again. the longing to chase for everything circumstantial had made me swayed away from my inner thoughts. Not that I don't think, but it's the feeling that you'd somehow loose touch with who you are deep down.

So lets see, finished my finals, doubt I'll do well this time, might even fail the excruciating RDA paper. What was done is done, I'd tried my best. If He wants to be cruel to me, I reckoned, this is fate.

Moving on, worked in a legal firm for a week but resigned eventually. Let us just say that I prefer dealing with people instead of machines and unreasonableness. Found another job as the Customer Service rep in Parkson, anchored in Pavilion. I have NO IDEA what to expect there. 10 to 10. Tiring shift I supposed, but it's the matter of getting used. I HOPE.

Richard Marx's "Hold on to the the night" is currently on my Window's Media Player.

I wish I could. You got tired, you entered into another risky realm where you might not be opening your eyelids again. To some people at least. But I hope that will come true. No agonizing illness or thoughts. Just sleep. And the night will take over.

As selfish as it sounds, I can't help it at times.

Still feeling jumpy inside despite having worked for a few days. Wish me luck and I hope the Christmas mood will soon kick in again after diminishing for some time.

What is life?

Life we questioned, is like asking for the direction in a desert.

Life is all a joke. Indeed it is. At least in my context.

What is life? Life is a nothingness in a form of material disguise.

You figure.

When the waves came crashing down

Hey folks. Another 'cheerful' entry I supposed. For the first time in my entire uni life, I failed one assignment. And of all the others, I failed the MINOR ESSAY for Media, Culture, Power. God knows what would happen to my major essays and finals.

It's not a big deal to some, I know. But it's a fail. And all I need now is a little support and thanks to my parents, I'm getting non. You can't always expect your child to get HD's or D's all the way.

I guess this serves as a slap that I gotta work waaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than most of them. It's kinda depressing to know how unfair the world is. If fairness even existed. I seriously wonder how the rest could be scoring A's and HD's all along the course without worrying much and here I am, working my ass off like a slave, only to know that I failed. Fair enough I did it rather late but I did so much readings. And why is it that I was told it was OK to refer to materials outside the reader and must we always follow what our lecturers want and etc...? Shouldn't arts be something a little more out of the box and not something that focused so much on rigidity? I followed the context, I followed the structure, and look what I've got? FAIL.

I guess this is how life works.

Ok peeps, sorry for being a little whiny but I'm still digging a hole to hide. I'm done.

On a lighter note, I got to rewrite the essay and the most I could get according to him is only a Pass. Brilliant.

Ugly duckling

Ugly duckling

Time ticks away.
Moments wasted.
Ugly duckling walked on thin lines,
between acceptance and rejection,
Oblivion.
Pearly water beads rippled the pond,
mirroring his own reflection,
reflecting his solitude,
as the swans flew away.

Hope you guys would like this poem. A recent one, one that has composed out of hatred, disparity and hope.

Doink

*Blink Blink*

*Errr...is anyone there?*

Yeah. That's the feeling I got when I started to pull out the piece of space and start blogging again..gosh...I can imagine my blog is covered with dust, spider webs and god knows whatever crap would be there...Sorry guys, I've been..err...well let's just say that my neurotic system kept me away from this blog. =) *cut it off you a$$, you're just lazy*

...

That's what Danny would say. ><
Sigh..ok, ok, I've been lazy all these while...but I've got nothing much to blog about you see...other than my life in Uni, which I wouldn't really call interesting since I'm stuck in KL and all I got would be Malaysians and some international students who just can't seem to bother about the world around them.

So as usual, it' already my second year and the assignments are choking up my throat. Go figure.

Oh, and a random piece, I've known a first year girl and apparently, her surname is SHAKESPEARE. O.o and according to her, she and the Mighty Uncle Shakespeare is RELATED but she's a Sri Lankan...Hmm...interesting notion.

I've got nothing more to write. So long for now.

*Closes the door as the light turns into a narrow line, and eventually, darkness.*

'Precious'

Hey guys! So sorry for not updating my blog for ages.

Semester break just started and I guess it's high time for some fresh new stuff. Well not that I have a lot of update and I'm still stuck in M'sia, so I have pretty much nothing to say about my life. HAHA

But anyhow, I'd finally watched a movie called 'Precious' based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire and this is a heartbreaking story but the warmth you get out of it is worth the watch. It's not like any typical Hollywood films or flicks. It is based on a real-life scenario where nothing is always beautiful and glamorous as it supposed to portray on TV. So, I would definitely recommend you guys to watch it. It's abt determination and strong will in overcoming life's worst situations, most of all, you gotta believe in yourself. A story about abuse, incest, emotional attachment and trust will surely capture the sensitive side if yours. The best part is, Mariah Carey's performance in it is exceptionally fantastic. =)

Here's a poem I wrote after watching the show. It's called Sapphire in the dark.

She has a heart.

A heart that tells a million raining stories.

One after another,

Drip, drip and drip.

Raining in the dark .

Where darkness is her light,

Like her heart, she pushes.

To the precious gem,

Sapphire gleams.

Based on the movie 'Precious', written based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire.

Life is all a joke.

(A Joke)

When life I questioned,

It gave me wilted flowers.

When fate I questioned,

It gave me stormy weather.

A question I had once, Tragedy answered the call.

Eternity belongs to the immortal.

It is only,

A matter of time.

We will be together.

That’s the truth,

That’s a joke.

This is probably one of the darkest poem I've ever wrote.

Of dark clouds and stormy weather

As depressing as the title sounds, yes. I had one of the most depressing days ever. First, I dreamed that I was dead due to a car accident and guess what, I was like those wondering spirit you watched on TV where no one would notice your existence. And of all days when I'm having a headache and a bad start, a sudden wave of solemnity just had to hit me while I'm attending the business law lecture. Plus when the Dr. E talked about all the sections and law applications, I just can't get a thing despite learning them before. =( That added on to the depressive mood I was having...I'm doubting my ability again.

I better stop here before I sink into the usual self.

Life is a fragile piece of glass

The news.
Messenger of the damned.
An airplane crash.
Only a 10 year old boy survived.

Dear Lord, why?

My heart instantly shattered when I heard and read about this. Like I said before, I'd trade my whole life for an eternity of bliss for the universe. I am not afraid of death because I will soon embark a journey He has planned for me.

But, my prayers turned to vain at times.

I've posted this poem way back then, and dedicated to a person who has lost his loved ones, and today, I could not believe I have to bring this sad piece out again. Every time when I read this piece of poem, my heart shattered yet again for the friend of mine whom we cared and loved so much. Now, I will think of the boy who will be an orphan until the day of his last breath. Kid, stay strong and my prayers are with you. Though you and I might not have any connection, but I have to say, you are one big miracle.

I have seen an extraordinary rainbow the other day and was sensing some kind of miracle is about to happened. This, might be one of them. Even if this miracle appeared from a fatal tragedy, you are to live on, to remind all of us of how lucky we are, and you, young man, will soon be someone the world will look up upon.

What is life and what is death?
Only HE knows the meaning best.


(A glass so fragile)

A fancy glass
With vibrant colours
And amazing zest of attraction

With a twist of fortune

It shattered!
Just once
It shattered…
To the floor beneath
Full of dusty dust

Can never be stitched
Can never be brought back to a piece…

How fragile..

Totally random

Well I guess my blog has officially died off. Oh well, no point resurrecting it when there is Twitter - a wonder of its own! haha...sounded like I'm ditching this blog. Well in fact, I am having that notion to be honest with you. Unless, I am assignments and exam free, then MAYBE, I'll continue blogging. OR, IF I have any INTERESTING thing to blog about OR when my life gets INTERESTING enough, *notice the capital letters* =P then, I'd blog again. As for now, sorry my dear blog, I'm gonna neglect you and let you stand all alone in cyberspace, but occasionally like now, I'll just come and dust every now and then, and perhaps air the space, *now I'm sounding like a maid*

What else can I say? Rough couple of weeks, that dreadful business law assignment was just flushed down the pigeon hole, and now, MORE ASSIGNMENTS. Yeah. like a 1200 words for 2.5 marks. How worth it.

Anyway, I'm gonna abandon this for a while and maybe until I get to Sabah this July, you guys might expect something more interesting than this.

Adios! =)

When two worlds fall apart.

Hey guys. I gotta hang on to the 'postmortem' of my poem first. But I think I have to blog about this. If not, you guys will be attending my funeral.

Why? Dear Lord Buddha, Why? I still can't shake myself to reality. Please, let all these be just a dream. A bad one. I'm lost for words to pen a poem and I'm still lost for words to write about anything.

All I could say, it was a tragedy. At least for me. It's like you're between heaven and hell and you have no idea which way to go.

Today, nothing matters to me ANYMORE except the 2 person where my heart will always belonged to and my studies. THAT-IS-ALL. Nothing and No One else.

At that moment of time, I felt life has failed me. Or rather, God has failed me. But I have to hang tight because of the two person I will die for and loved. Life has to go on and no worries guys, I'm not leaving a suicide note or something because it's just not worth it.

Like the song, 'I will survive.'

The perfect ten - taking a look into 'the making of'

¿Cómo estás guys? How are you doing?

I take take that not many people will be reading my blog already, nevertheless, I will still post up some random stuff from time to time so in case if ANYONE would still spark an interest in my posts =)

So for this time being, it will be more or less a continuation from where I'd stopped last. Some of them asked me, how did the last poem came about? It wasn't an easy one to start off looking on the fact that I had sort of 'retired' for a while from penning poems after poems back then. Initially, it started as an idea and I actually started to write a few lines and thinking maybe I shall add a little twist to it and perhaps make it significant since it will be my first 100th poem. Then I promised myself, why not complete it by my 20th b'day and add to the significance? Hence I really thought that was a brilliant idea, so begun the process.

So, this poem is rather close to me as it sums up what I had been through while I wrote all my poems before. Like any other people who writes, inspirations came like the rain. The indefinite nature of ideas and the fluidity of words. Some of my closer friends will know that my poetry based a great deal on human emotions and just like my life, where ups and downs are inevitable. When life treats me cruel, I pen poems. When life treats me and others kind, I pen poems. There were instances when my life was experiencing a turmoil and the poems I wrote represented pretty much the emotional struggles I experienced. Sometimes, I look within myself in order to understand the world and not just about myself, a great deal of my poems as well revolved around other humans. Therefore, fragments of words will be linked and eventually, a full picture emerged.

That's how 'The Perfect Ten' came about =)

The perfect ten

I don't care whether age is just a number or not when I'm loved by so many people whom I never thought will remember this momentous day! =)

I've finally completed a very poem which I've intended to finish by my 20th birthday and fortunately, I did! thanks to YOU who gave me so much inspirations and the will to carry on...

The poem is called 'The perfect ten' as it comprises of 10 lines and 10 words weaved into a stanza. I'll tell you guys more about the inspirations behind this poem but for now, let me present to you a piece of words which might not have meant anything to you, but something significant to a part of me.

A long way since I came, for words I hunt.

At times the fountain flows, sometimes it puts a blunt.

O how swift the wave, cascading the ocean down and

In darkness, I discovered a weeping child, looking into me.

Even in the blazing sun, around me, dark butterflies danced.

As I wonder with the butterflies, I hear my heart.

The rest is silence. Whereupon silence is when I begun.

Where line by line, they will join. Threads of poetry.

A long way since I came, for words I hunt,

To hunt for this perfect ten. That’s what I meant.

Thank you mom and dad, Sherry, and Danny for the special gifts I received form you guys and to all you rocking people out there! Thank you for all the wishes and love you sent to me.
Thank you, Gracias, Obrigado, and xie xie! =D

In a hurry, I came. In a hurry, I went

The feeling that this blog gives me at the moment is like an old couple barely able to cross the street even for one and a half hours...Don't ask me why but this is the notion that I somehow developed..haha XD

Yes guys, it has been AGES since I've last blog...of course I'm not gonna have an essay-length post as too much things had lapsed and well I'm just gonna make it straight and simple.

Oh and yes, I'm blogging with my new laptop for the very first time! =D

Ugh...it has been too long...I don't even know where and HOW to start. This is EXACTLY what I'm feeling now with my media assignment which is due on Monday X( after finshed watching American Idol and wasted my 2 hours. here I am. Blogging away with my essay 20% done =_=' Can't I EVER do things the way I wanted to? Procrastination is just a sin away, I would say. Well at least for me. I really gotta change this habit before my assignment managing skills turn their asses back at me.

So many to go, only one down this time. All major stuff will be due after semester break and Psychology literature review is coming up next!!!! Oh gosh, I have business law as well!!! aarrggh!!! I'm tearing my brains out anytime...

But I guess I'd have to wait till tomorrow AGAIN. Sad, but I really need to hit the bed now...sorry for such a nonsensical post but I promise I'd post something better soon. Oh and I'm on my way to construct my 100th poem! =) on a lighter note that is.

Alright people....so long for now.

Night

A still and silent night.
With cold breeze brushing across,
a half-lit moon,
an Empty sky.
A beautiful night?

I'm a human with a thousand flaws

I'm a human with a thousand flaws.
I'm a guy who is consistently finding a way to reduce those flaws and I'm in the midst of bringing myself to the next level of perfection.
I'm no hunk, I'm no James Bond and I'm no Albert Einstein.
I'm just me.
I value and treasure life's little miracles such as friendship, kindness and compassion.
I am a proud friend and pillar to my autistic brother and yes, I'm not ashamed of it, in fact, he's one of my life's little miracles!
I do admit, at times, I'm very emotional and sensitive. Beneath the surface of iron and steel, the soft spot deep down is easily crushed.
I used to be someone I want to be,
but now, I am what I'm supposed to be.
I listen, and I often lends out a helping hand.
After all, what does it take to just sit back and listen to a person with your heart?
I write poetry, not Shakespeare, not Milton, certainly not John Keats.
I'm still a guy with a thousand flaws =)

...

Seriously...If I don't start to blog again, this blog would probably just fade away and rot like a cadaver under the shadow of this cyber-world...

Sorry, been reading too much thrillers and mystery novels....plus I'm just trying to let my creative juices to be running again as I've not been writing lately and my vocab is SERIOUSLY deteriorating~ t.t

Ah, screw it! At the very least my sentence structure is still intact! muAHAhAHAha

So, what's up with my 3-4 months holidays? Too little to call fantastic yet too much to be said. Confused? yeah even I'm as confused as you! xD

Working from Monday to Friday as usual, other than coming back home, work out, bath, dinner, Internet, tv, reading, go to bed and start all over again, I have nothing much to say bout my monotonous life.

Has the dawn broken?

Isn't it ironic that we used to think of being a grown up is something so cool and we get to do things we like, we gonna have so much freedom and basically being ourselves. However, as we grow older, things just seemed to turn their a**es back on us and how we longed to go back in time where the actual freedom being a kid under the wings was not well appreciated and till then, freedom now does come with commitments and gosh, how impatient are we at times! We just can't wait to get out of our moms' tummies to experience the sufferings of life, we can't wait to become an adult, we can't wait to get more and more money, we can't wait to have a girlfriend or a wife, and until the end, when we hope that life could treat us kinder by sparing us a few more moments with our loved ones, death, is already right under our noses. Which is why I used to write in one of my earlier poems saying that, 'once we're here, then we're not, once we live, it's a miracle'. What I mean here might sound morbid, but there is some humor in it in fact. Since we just can't wait to let time speed off, when fate is upon us, there's nothing we could do. And once we are already in the coffin looking all cozy and calm, once we breathe again and open our eyes, ain't that a miracle? ;-)

That would be just some figurative speeches that I like to throw in to make things a lil' bit 'saucy' XD

Not just that, even physically, being impatient is like juggling ourselves on a single thread suspended in mid air. Seriously speaking, I was an extremely impatient kid back then. Though I've changed for the better, I could still get jumpy at times. It made me panicked, sweat and basically disoriented. Now that I'm turning 20 in a few months time, being impatient is already not an option. Yeah, blame it on my hormones but at least, like what my mom said, you could always putt off the fire with your mind. HOW INSPIRING... xD now that's what I call the PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE YA'LL! haha

Here's a poem to which I've tried to express the fact that when things are meant for us, and if we deserve a wonderful dawn, it will come to us no matter what. All we have to do is to be PATIENT and the journey would be much more pleasant when we learn to let things go and anticipate for a warmer morning without jumping too fast into the chilly night. =)

Do enjoy this poem! It's called 'Has the dawn broken?'

Has the dawn broken?

For crickets are still singing away

from a distance,

far, far, away.

And the mighty rooster

has yet to make its grand entrance for the morning call.

Even the air is still masked

by a tint of jasmine blossom...

Has the dawn broken?

Will I ever be patient enough?

To endure through the pacing mind of mine,

painfully awaiting the hands of time

performing a metamorphosis

while I sit here,

with a reluctance of returning to slumber

and wonder,

Has the dawn broken?

Happy, happy new year

On a happier note, I've ended the dreadful year of 2009. =)

At the very least, towards the end of the year, life's little joys were sent to me when my life was picked up eventually. In fact, I felt totally refreshed and rejuvenated, at the same time, I think I've matured over the years and realized that there is not a moment better than to live the present to the fullest.

Apart from the inspiring realization, it had also dawned on me and I came to an enlightenment about the true meaning of friendship. =) It is when you do not count or measure the DIFFERENCE in an individual and even if the flaw in him or her is obvious, you do not and WILL NOT even take it into account.

=)

I've achieved what I've longed for and I've see through many things in life. It is an endless journey through the kaleidoscope of life =D

Happy new year guys! Can't wait for Chinese New Year, my studies and my 100th poem =)