Heart of the relieved, heart of the decieved

Great. I FAILED my Math. Isn't that the proudest thing that a Chinese guy can ever declare? Yeah. I guessed so. Many people had told me that oh c'mon! You're a chinese and Math is basically in your blood! And plus, you're a guy for God's sake! Yeah right.

I kinda expected it, but I still feel the pinch deep down. Never mind the trials, screw it. Easy to say. Hard to let go. Just a trial. Yeah, sooner or later it would be the real Edexcel exam. Funny huh people like me actually FAIL Math. I know everyone is saying oh please Choon Hui, Math is like the EASIEST thing you could possibly find in the world! Do more exercises...blah... I know that I've said this for the thousand times that I shouldn't compare, but... reality is all around us. No matter how hard you try to ignore the truth, the truth is, my Math still sucked. Like Hell.

Maybe Math is not my thing, I admit. Could it be a lie? An excuse to escape from all the injections of pain? Is that just an excuse to make me feel better? A big fat lie or a truth? What are lies and what can be considered as truth? Aren't we living on lies? what are the truths behind? We tell lies to make people feel better, we even tell lies to the children whereby we always ask them not to tell lies. What an irony.

Some people doesn't respond well to the 'after-effects' of lies. But I certainly do.

(A soul's prison)

Ah!
The guilty twist,
Churning my heart like a windmill gone wild!

The manipulated truth!
Stupid me! Foolish me!
Of how pathetically minded am I…

Sorry?
If only Lord forgives me…
I’ve summoned the demon to me,
I’ve awakened the devil from its grave,
I’ve spilled out the evil out of me…
Lead them to damnation!
Lead them to the pile of flaming flames!
Leave me alone!
Oh leave me alone!

A sinful tune I’ve just hummed
A blameless soul had I trapped,
Deep down the garden of thorns,
Deep down the chambers of untruthfulness…
Set him free!
Let him be!

It feels like being pursued by the angel of death,
As I can sense the momentary glare
from the viciousness of his somber eyes,
And haunt the nightmares of all nightmares

Can I keep this attic locked for eternity?
So that not a soul will venture?

That I shall wake in the arms of motherly warmth,
And sink into the bosom of truth.

Ah! Take me to your hands
And let the flow of pure water to wash away the filth
That long clotted the very stream of my soul…