Poesy within oneself

(Poesy of silence)

A wilting blossom,
A dying soul.

A gloomy day,
A candle-less life.

A raining afternoon,
A sobbing tale.

A starless night,
A void’s emptiness.

A song to sing,
A heart to be broken.

A mended heart, with broken pieces...

You will never know that separation can actually tear your heart into a million pieces. The pain will eventually find its way to the deepest darkness and implants itself till you can never get out of the clinging of that nasty being.

For 5 years now, it suddenly dawned on me, where once had long became then, where the air of sadness gushed in and the fall of loneliness kicked in...

(Once, then.)

Once again,
A mended heart is broken.
The air of remorse,
Gushing across my sanity,

The fall of loneliness.

With a somber tune,
I hummed a song.

RandoM Rushes...

'Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter'
~John Keats from Ode to a Grecian Urn

Talking about life now may seem a little bit too early. But trust me, life will get to you. Soon.

Hello people! Seriously, I have totally no idea on what to post about today. As mentioned before, words can fill your mind in a second but within the next, everything gone with the winds. Anyway, I had just randomly picked a line from Keats - my 'favorite' poet to just...err..you know, to spark some inspirations out of me..ha-ha... Just got back all my papers recently, failed Math, passed Bio but didn't do too well, PASSED LAW!!!!!! OMG!! this is the best that could ever happened to my entire college life!!! and got a B+ for Literature and guess what? I just couldn't believe that I would still be able to obtain the higest overall grade in class despite my terrible individual grades...haha at least it's something lar...although it's just like a few marks away from the ever-intelligent, English-power-house Clarissa...xD hahaha! but seriously she beat me flat in law whereby she had scored the higest in class beating the 'former best-scorer' Mei Xin aahhahah!! Nevertheless, I'm still glad that we actually passed law coz everyone was so terrified by this subject...

So...I guess thats for now and I'll be back with more photos next time when I blog...gosh..my eyes can barely stay open now...(yawns~~) so long and have a good night!

Behind the shadow of fear...

*Sigh~* I'm scared. I'm feeling real scared. What has become of me? I...I just...can't seem to shake off the deepest fears in me... Not that I'm scared that I will not wake up tomorrow, but, it's just...something...that I wasn't able to clear off eversince...Ahh...someone just please fill me with words...

There are time when fear creeps into you and slowly, it infects each and every corner of your heart and somehow, you'll be able to survive but what is behind it, it's just unbearable...when I see other people, living their lives like there's no tomorrow...I actually envied them...perhaps, it might be a mistake for me to be born into this dimension, perhaps, this is my punishment from my past life, perhaps, this is just what I deserve, perhaps...

I know I shouldn't have talked bout this in the 1st place as what faced by other people will not even be a fragment compared to mine. But, I really hope that you guys understand and don't judge me too hard for who I am...no worries guys, I'll be instantly ok when I et up tomrrow. I just gotta sleep it off and that's the best way for keeping me 'alive'...hahaha...

Deep down, I really wished to reach out for that something.

(Behind a shadow)

The rain,
Just like the sour tears of my shadow.
Once again,
A spell is cast on me,
My shadow,
The figure in the dark,
The invisible in the light,
Follows me a thousand miles.
Never seen heaven,
Never heard of the angels.
I see the rain,
I see the clouds,
I see not the gentle soul behind the shadow.
Weeping like a lost child,
Sorrow’s sadness, settles through,
Deep, deep in the shadow of the dark.

Behind it,
A bleeding butterfly.

Heart of the relieved, heart of the decieved

Great. I FAILED my Math. Isn't that the proudest thing that a Chinese guy can ever declare? Yeah. I guessed so. Many people had told me that oh c'mon! You're a chinese and Math is basically in your blood! And plus, you're a guy for God's sake! Yeah right.

I kinda expected it, but I still feel the pinch deep down. Never mind the trials, screw it. Easy to say. Hard to let go. Just a trial. Yeah, sooner or later it would be the real Edexcel exam. Funny huh people like me actually FAIL Math. I know everyone is saying oh please Choon Hui, Math is like the EASIEST thing you could possibly find in the world! Do more exercises...blah... I know that I've said this for the thousand times that I shouldn't compare, but... reality is all around us. No matter how hard you try to ignore the truth, the truth is, my Math still sucked. Like Hell.

Maybe Math is not my thing, I admit. Could it be a lie? An excuse to escape from all the injections of pain? Is that just an excuse to make me feel better? A big fat lie or a truth? What are lies and what can be considered as truth? Aren't we living on lies? what are the truths behind? We tell lies to make people feel better, we even tell lies to the children whereby we always ask them not to tell lies. What an irony.

Some people doesn't respond well to the 'after-effects' of lies. But I certainly do.

(A soul's prison)

Ah!
The guilty twist,
Churning my heart like a windmill gone wild!

The manipulated truth!
Stupid me! Foolish me!
Of how pathetically minded am I…

Sorry?
If only Lord forgives me…
I’ve summoned the demon to me,
I’ve awakened the devil from its grave,
I’ve spilled out the evil out of me…
Lead them to damnation!
Lead them to the pile of flaming flames!
Leave me alone!
Oh leave me alone!

A sinful tune I’ve just hummed
A blameless soul had I trapped,
Deep down the garden of thorns,
Deep down the chambers of untruthfulness…
Set him free!
Let him be!

It feels like being pursued by the angel of death,
As I can sense the momentary glare
from the viciousness of his somber eyes,
And haunt the nightmares of all nightmares

Can I keep this attic locked for eternity?
So that not a soul will venture?

That I shall wake in the arms of motherly warmth,
And sink into the bosom of truth.

Ah! Take me to your hands
And let the flow of pure water to wash away the filth
That long clotted the very stream of my soul…

I 'LOVE' exams...

I HATE EXAAAAAAAAAMMSS!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F*#$%#%#@!!!!!

Ah...now I felt better. WAAAY better.

So sorry you guys, got to welcome you with all my 'pleasant' and 'fanciful' words...I majorly screwed most of my papers so far...especially LAW!!!!!!!! WHAT THE ... ?!! (ok..ok...deep breath...1...2...3...) Can't believe I screwed up, again. Despite all the exercises we did, it still came back to square 1... Clarissa and I were like oh shit, we're so f***ing dead...so so dead...some one shoot us please...
(imagining Mrs. Dharma pointing a bazooka at our face and fire, 'your results are PATHETIC!!! HEAR what I say? P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C!!! DON'T EVEN THINK OF BREATHING IN MY CLASS...KKAABOOMM...BOOOOFFFFF....)

There you go. A hell lot of pathetic crap happened. My Mechanics 1, uugghh... don't even mention about it. I don't think I could even get something higher that 10 marks... yeah... that's Choon Hui doing MATHS...(how terrible it sounds...m.a.t.h.s... =_= why can't they just name it, The Rule of Numerical Studies instead? No! Why in the first goddamn place this piece of sH*t existed)
my apologies again guys, no offense, but you DOknow

Choon Hui = hater of The Rule of Numerical Studies

Anyway...Not gonna have a long post or any poems for now coz' I still have loads to study and the next post I'll have a poem on LIES... big word eh? Stay tunned...