A season of Greetings and Gifts and Santa! =D

Hey blog buddies and readers! Merry merry X'mas to you guys out there who are enjoying the parties and the fun! =D gosh..I'm so full of joy now...hahaha...In fact, I don;t really celebrate X'mas, but the songs, the atmosphere and the greetings had definitely made me indulged in the goodness of the tropical X'mas of ours haha! And since it's such a festive and colourful season, here I am again, with a poem called 'What a season' and of course, this is to be dedicated to all that I've known which are...ok I'm gonna have a list here and since there are just too many, guys, if your name doesn't appear, please, safe back the swearing and cursings coz you know that no matter who you are, those whom I've had conclicts with before, everything went with the wind =D and you must know that everyone out there that I've got to know will always have a space right here in my mind =D

I hear the bells jingle,
Such joyful tingling, laughter in the air

I see the snow falling,
O white snow, how pure and white its flakes

I smell the roasting turkey,
In perfection wih a toast of sparkling heaven.

I taste the sweet smelling candies,
That melt instantly in mouth and to the heart of mine

I feel the warmth in this winter wonderland,
looking at the smiles and faces of the children,
calling out to Santa.

A winter with so much to give,
I wish to be in this crystal ball forever.

(To the people whom I owed my life to)
My dearest Mom and Dad and my baby brother Choon Ming (though you're already 17, you forever be my little bro XD

(To my life-time high school buddies)
Wei Keat, Thiam Sang, Weng Chung, Jian Fung, Harry, Wai Lun, Kheng Hong, Andrew, Tuck Man, Kai Jie

(To my forever cheerful cousins XD)
Sherry, Michelle (yan-yan XD hehehe), Douglas, Dennis, Pei Chi, Di-Di cousin bro xD, Jaylyn, Jayson, and alot more..hahaha

(To my college buddies)
Kit Wai, Kean Liang, Ganesa, Eric, Stephen, Mark, Harry, Jia Hui, Kenneth, Brandon, Bernard, Daniel, Pradiv, Alex, Pang Yean, Chi Kean, Kah Kiat, Aaron

(To the unexpected?! yet beautiful ladies XD)
Stefanie, Clare, Divya, Sue Ann, Michelle, Kartigha, Elisa, Jessica, Eunice, Mei Xin, Denise, Alexis, Elizabeth, Snokee, Jessica, Ann, Devina, Shenam

(To the lecturers endless words of wisdom=D)
Mrs. Shama, Mrs Dharma, Ms. Lim(aww..XD), Mr. Ratna, Ms. Grace, Ms. Melalyn, Ms. Angeline and Ms. Khoo (she's a wondeful administrative staff and soon-to-be-lecturer *I supposed* XD

(To my former School teachers...fantastic people! =D)
Pn. Munirah, Pn. Gan, Mrs. Tay, Mr. Gopal, Mrs. Lee, Mrs. Chen, Pn. Chan, Mrs. Ramani XD, Pn. Katuri, Pn. Wong, Mr. Peraganathan and Pn. Chong =D

To my best friends...you know who you are and last but not least, to the wonderful acquaintances that I met along the way

Michelle Yoong, Elaine, Eunice Lee, Melanie, Joey, Siang Ling, Kit Yoong, Adam, Ken, Amanda, Pearly, WenJo, Alithea, Annora, Pit Wai, Mei Sann, Shaz, Shan Lin, Chin Hean, Johnny, Melvin, Pui Yee, Kah Yee, Cynthia, Ms. Valli, Nick Teo, Alan Teo, Chu-Wen

(From Australia)
Mickell, S.T, Bobby Rodgers, Michael, Chace, Kyle, Robert Wilson, Mr and Mrs. Wilson =D Sarah and Nathan

(From the States)
A Poet Who Loves To Sing Alves =D, Elnathan John, Monique Danser, Fiona Davidson, Hunter, Sarrah, David

(From United Kingdom)
Baden Ronnie(Wolfy XD), Charlotte Hubbert, John Wojja Fink XD, Davidson, Andy, Winston

(From France)
Sophie, Tibaulle, Allora, Lucy, Ann, Francis, Timothy, Pierre

Now this took me about an hour to dig into my memory files in search for the correct names...haha...but anyhow, I just hope you guys will enjoy the poem and most of all, have a fantastic and blissful Christmas! Once again, Merry Christmas and Happy New year! =D and I am going off to a gathering cum party cum chaos cum god know whatever... tonight hahaha! XD

A mind of its own

A mind with its never ending chain of memories, a mind of the unthinkable, a mind of a human being...

(My mind, my life. My life, My mind.)

A mind of world,
A world of mind.

Beaming with rays of life.
Drowning the last breath of life…
Into a cellar of deep, deep, darkness.

A place, where it is a home for fear,
It grows…
It is nurtured…
Standing small is the hardened stone,
Falling steep is the hero within…
The puzzle with countless pieces,
Floating on the sea of confusion,
Losing their ways
Losing their ways…
In the cellar they’re buried,
In the cold air they deceased.
What is left is what was left.
Turning into ashes…

A brand new existence.

A new breath of crisp air…
Sweet smelling scent that clears the mist of confusion.
A wave stronger than emotions
Washed over the shores of my mind,
Overlooking the endless ebony sky
Above the mighty cliff of my soul.
Where destiny of tomorrow came unfolding…
Piece by piece,
The puzzle will fit,
And the warmth will begin to fill that punctured void,
With blooms of passion-colored roses
And a touch of angels’ choir,
Slowly humming the pieces into place.
A garden of ease welcomes the fitted thoughts,
And we,
Welcomes the power of possession.

I am my life,
My life is me.

I speak my mind,
Sometimes, my mind speaks me.


oh..by the way, I had some of my poems posted on www.poemhunter.com. Just type Seow under poet's name and hope you guys will enjoy reading them!

The calling of a Voice, The souls separater~ If tomorrow never comes

Just within a night, a lot were wreckly injured, 10 were spent their last breath under the ill-filled junk, the rest had been cast a gloomy spell that will be bound, perhaps for a life time.

Have you not any mercy? You ought to be dead instead of the spotless souls. Too late for blames, may you live with the darkest dreams for the rest of your life. A bus driver? A soul separater!

(The flower without petals)

Why, dear Lord?
Why…
Haven’t you heard my prayers?
Haven’t you answered them…?

I’m…
I’m…
Breathing my last breath…
Dear Lord…
Real soon…real soon…

Why playing games?
Why the punishment
For a sin that I never longed for?
Why you tear the petals apart?
Those stings,
How hurtful…
Dear Lord…


Please put your imagination to play.

Guys, it's not that I'm as old as your grandparents, nor that I'm as long-winded as your parents, but try to think if your loved ones left you without any last words or unexpectedly...how would you feel? A simple question. How would you feel? No, I have not loose my loved ones, but with regards to the bus crash on Sunday,

How would you feel?

To me, I would feel like the flower without the petals around it.

Put not just your loved ones but your friends and everyone surrounding you in that tiny box of yours. Look at them, and

Tell that someone that you love, just what you're thinking of, if tomorrow never comes.
~ Garth Brooks

Of facing, learning and dealing...

Boy, people can be all kinds...and sometimes, it really gets on your nerves and facing, learning and dealing with these people can really make you go nuts!

I have just completed 2 driving lessons for 5 hours, (still it's merely 4 hours or lesser to be exact) since that instructor actually deducted the time to and from the place of lesson... =_='' and plus the time where he stopped for petrol and his BREAKFAST...(faints...) yeah...breakfast, and I'm not kidding...anyway we'll proceed to the next level.

So, this 'fantastic' instructor of mine was brought to me by my dad since he has got to know him earlier on and the fees was quite reasonable (not until what I mentioned earlier on) and I think he should be an 'okay' guy looking on the fact that he's my dad's friend and I would expect him to be a little more 'friendlier' than usual..but of course, on the fair side, I respected him as an instructor and I wouldn't want him to just 'kiss my ass' and ended up learning nothing. And then, nothing went wrong for the 1st 3 days when he drove me for a 5 hours talk, then six, and finally to the Undang test. That was not just about it. I thought he should be a reasonable man but turned out to be a total jerk. In fact, from the 1st time I met him, I have a sense of uneasiness and qualms that crept deep into my spine. But, I somehow shook it off my mind.

Not until the 1st driving lesson, the thought found its way back to my mind and proved that my 6th sense is right XD muahaha...which I'm just joking out of the fun =D Ok...so he took one whole hour and more to explain the main components of driving in the car itself and while he was blah-ing, I listened...yes, and I listened.

(Just a question, would you expect a new learner who has not been driving before for his whole life to absorb everything in one shot without even starting to drive?)

Furthermore, he also told me that 'ok nvm, when you start to drive later, I'll further explain to you and demonstrate...blah...blah...blah... then I started to drive. And my journey to HELL begun.

As I was driving, (for the 1st time in my LIFE), I made a few mistakes and one thing I have to admit that I am no quick learner and I pick up things quite slow at times, what more when my mind was filled with uncertainties and I was feeling a lil' bit nervous that moment. So I entered the wrong gear a couple of times and I left the clutch too fast while it's still under gear one, and I while I was changing gear, I accidentally stepped on the oil pedal a few times as well, and so...the scolding and yelling started. ON THE 1ST DAY OF MY LESSON PEOPLE!!! At the beginning I was contemplating perhaps I'm just too dumb to learn up the skills, but it is still my 1st time and I'm bound to make mistakes isn't it? tell me guys, if I'm wrong. Who doesn't screw up on their 1st time? (ok...maybe people like Thiam Sang, Jia Hui, Kishu and Kit Wai who are really smart enough to pick up everything in advance) other than that, people like me? no way! Seriously guys, I wish you were there to witness how terrible insulted and scolded me...you may say that I'm sensitive and I can't even stand such a small matter, wait till you're in my position and trust me, that fella will be out of the windscreen instantly...

So, I didn't utter a word at all but I kept apologising to him, it turned to vain. That shit face was not merely condemning or advising me on what to do but he gave me a-punch-right-in-the-face type of criticism knowing I am a fresh learner...I kept quiet the whole journey partly because I'm just too scared to go against him and I didn't wanna create any mess verbally. Until the second day of lesson, he kept on going until I was too nervous and the car broke down twice. That's the straw that broke the camel's back, I countered back at him, IN A NICE WAY...and his excuse? ~
'but I've taught you before and this is not the 1st time you drove already, you still make the same old stupid mistakes no matter how much I've told you, you people are always like that, when the instructor are pointing out ur mistakes and you people make a havoc out of it and said we're scolding you...'

And guess what he was doing that time? EATING HIS CHAR KUEY TEOW...

What the F*CK?! TO HELL WITH YOU I CAN LEARN WHEN YOU'RE OPENING YOUR SHIT FILLED MOUTH AND GIVING ME PRESSURE! I will not swear if nothing provokes me to this extent and I'm sorry blog buddies...

So the lesson went on and he cut of my conversation several times when I'm explaining my situation also IN A NICE WAY...hence, I was fed up and I zipped. So did he. At the end he actually apologised to me 'if he said anything wrong and he was sorry' which I doubt it was sincere by listening to his tone but I accepted it after all.

Told my parents about the incidents and I was quite surprised with their reactions XD I kinda expect they would say he's just a strict guy who who wants perfection, instead my mom told me that she did not seemed to like this fella when she met him earlier on. Great...at least they're standing by my side...Mom even taught me how to give him back if he attacks me again... XD haha...

But I still have another lesson with him (sighs~) and dad told me he would find another instructor for me just for the extra hours. I don't mind to have him throughout the course cause if I'm able to face these people, life would be easier for me next time but to accept their love in full, I agreed to change =D

Therefore the lesson is when you guys ever came across these kind of human, do not ever let your raging emotions get the better of you. Listen to what they say, calm yourself and later on, counter them back in a nice way (which is what the M'sians say 'give them back kao-kao lah') XD haha..about this aspect, I would say I did it, but I'm still in the midst of learning..and most of all, DEAL WITH IT as you never know that you will be working with these people for your whole life!

Phew! So done am I =D

Into reality of acceptence, ready am I?

Good day people! Gosh..i know guys..i'm so so so sorry for not posting anything for god knows how long...a couple of things happened...the not-so-nice ones...but...today..i'm back with...what else but WORDS XD

So, for as long as I'm gone, it has been a roller-coaster, no, waaAy more than the roller-coaster spin!!! my oh my...this is life people..this is life...

Ok...I know I'm rambling here, lets just get straight to the issues. So, not long ago, Wei Keat just went off to Canada to live his dreams~ in becoming a top-class Aircraft Engineer =D and we've been to his farewell gathering which was kinda...intense, somehow... you have to be in my position to know exactly how I felt at the very moment when time ticked away and it's almost dinner time which means we may not see each other again after that dinner...

The reason why I did not want to post about the gathering is that...I don't wanna be reminded of that day's event...well nothing much in particular for some of y'all, it may seemed like just an ordinary gathering and friends leaving blah blah blah...but that was the day where few of us indulged in the very last few moments together of what we called 'close friends' or better still 'life-time buddies' (ok don't get me wrong, no one is DYING here) =_=' but try thinking about it, 5 years, err...may be 4 years, yeah 4 long years of friendship and what I mean by friendship is the REAL friendship...which lasts for a lifetime...not worth talking about it?

GO-TO-HELL

For those who has the balls to think that way. Period.

Then there came separation. The moment when the lift closed its huge, cold, lifeless metallic door, our emotions sprang out like a cheetah preying on its prey...I mean although I controlled my emotions well and I didn't had a teary eye, that horrible feeling that churned and churned in you was truly unbearable.

Over the days, as I've really came to accept that separation is merely part and parcel of life, and what would I be if either one of my parents have answered Lord's calling? Could I be crying and whining forever? Could I stop the time right there or just be travelled back in time or I could make myself another parent again? Never will I...

And that is why the Chinese always said, 'there is no fate without separation'. How true.

So what's the big fuss about it? are you Gay or what?

GO-AND-F**K-YOURSELF. Period.

I certainly think emotionally attached to someone has nothing to do whether you're gay or not and (if you are, that's a whole new issue) but back to the point, Wei Keat and I and our 'gang' had been inseparable ever since we've known each other...I've learned to accept and whatever it is, we are just happy for him as we know that this fella had struggled through life not physically but psychologically (he's not mad people =_='')

And then another painful separation. A t the train pick up station. Well thankfully no one really burst out sobbing or else it would be inconsolable...I felt quite numb that day, maybe because I've been through so much other than this and probably because major part of us had been let go during the night after the farewell gathering. Wei Keat's expressions were almost intense and it was not his usual self. We can't blame him though, he's off to a whole new world, all by himself and brace the storms that are yet to come.

And they are gone: ay, ages long ago,
...fled away into the storm.
(-John Keats~ The Eve of St. Agnes)

And life goes on...without single break or freeze. Have I really let go? Have really accepted that separation is inseparable with life?

Have I?

Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.
(D. H. Lawrence~ Piano)